Who's #1?

Hello all. It's been a minute, but I'm back.  Today I'd like to address women who are in a 2nd, 3rd...etc marriage or about to enter in one.  If you have children, this can be a hard transition for the whole family.  Let me help you make it a little easier.  I know that most women think making their kids the first priority in their lives is the noble and right thing to do, but when you get married, it's not.  I'm sure I just lost half of my viewing audience after saying that.

Even people in their first marriage sometimes think this way.  I'm addressing women, but this message is for men as well.  When you enter into a relationship with someone, you become one.  The correct order of things is God, your spouse, your children and then everyone else; even if you had the children first.  When you marry someone, you're saying I choose to share my life with you and we are one.  Putting your children before your spouse will keep turmoil present in your family.

You and your spouse should work together as one when it comes to how the children will be raised.  Discipline is a touchy subject when it comes to inviting someone into you and your kid's lives.  If you are one, you should be one in every aspect of your lives.  If you have a child centered home, your spouse will soon feel neglected, abandoned and unloved.  Don't allow your children to determine how your family operates.  If you give your child that much power, they will use and abuse it to the best of their ability. Your child/stepchild should know from the very beginning that both parents love him/her the same and will not allow him/her to put the parents against each other.  Kids grow up and move on with their lives.  If you have a child centered home, when they leave, you and your spouse have nothing left.

It is hard to think that someone else can love our child as much as you do, but it can be done.  Allow your spouse/the step parent to assert their authority, show their love, and develop a happy and healthy relationship with your children.  It can be hard, especially if you have been in a difficult relationship in the past.  Don't rely on your children to fill a space that only God or your spouse can fill.  Keep each in their correct place.  Marriage is hard all by itself. When you add children to the mix, it's an uphill battle for sure.  You can do it though.  I am in no way saying that you should allow your new spouse to mistreat your children while you stand idly by doing nothing.  I'm saying your spouse should love your children just as you do.  If he/she cares for you, then they will want to care for your children.  They will want what's best for the whole family. I have seen what happens when people put their children before their spouse or try to put them on an even playing field.  It doesn't end pretty.  But, I've also seen people who come together with their children and live happy and fulfilled lives.  There is a delicate balance, but if you remember to keep God first, everything else is easier than it seems.

EM