Talk about What?

What do you talk about when you go on a date with your spouse?  Most of us were too googly eyed before marriage to think about the fact that there were things that occurred in your girlfriend/boyfriend's life before you came along.  We were too focused on looking good, having good smelling breath and being wrinkle free (maybe that was just me).  We focus on things like, what the man/woman is "bringing to the table" so to speak, but not really.  Do you really know the person you just promised to be with; forever, in good times and bad.  Trust me, it's the bad times that really count.

So after marriage, when you hear someone say "go on a date and just talk", you think to yourself 'talk about what'.  You think you already know everything there is to know about them.  I brush my teeth beside this person and I poop with them in the next room.  What do we have to learn about one another? A lot!  After being married almost 17 years, I think Brian and I are still learning new things about one another at least on a weekly basis.  It's not mind blowing revelations, but its the small things that we can add to our bucket of intimacy.  Intimacy is the lovechild of love and friendship.

Conversation is how we find out whether or not we want to be friends with someone.  It's what determines whether or not we are willing to give someone a chance at getting to know us.  If you think about it, the people you end up feeling closest to are those who have shared details about their personal lives.  Even public speakers understand this.  They become much easier to listen to when they share a relate-able story with us.  So how much more does this concept work with your spouse.  It's going to feel awkward at first, but your bucket of intimacy will begin to fill and you will begin to feel closer than you ever thought possible, just by sharing details about yourself and listening to your spouse share theirs.  Here are some ideas or conversation starters for date night or anytime really:

What did you say you were gonna be when you grew up?
Who has had the most influence in your life?
What animal are you most afraid of?

Are you or have you ever been afraid of the dark?

What was your biggest fear about getting married?

What's been your biggest disappointment this far in our marriage?

Start small and then go deeper.  I could make this list so much longer, but this is just an idea of some conversation starters that will guarantee good quality conversation and getting to know your spouse in the process.  Happy Talking! 

Question?
ericatwalter@gmail.com

EM