Down to the Nitty Gritty!

Some of you may be wondering why we chose to create blogs focused on marriage. What makes us experts on a good marriage? We by no means claim to be "experts" on a good marriage.  These blogs are to encourage others who are married, whether happily or otherwise. I have personally been through some experiences in my marriage that made me realize how important it is to make God the head of my marriage.  Today I'm going to be a little transparent so you can understand why I am so excited to share what God has done and can do for you. It's important for you to realize that you are not alone in this whole marriage thing. There are others going through the same issues whether they will admit it or not.

My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years. In all of those years, with the exception of the past few, I can remember having 2 good years of being married; 2003 and 2005. Sad isn't it? We spent at least 8 of those years merely existing in the same house. We couldn't seem to stop fighting long enough to work on the root of the problems. Our arguments would always start out differently, but end the same way.  We argued about the same things over and over and over again.  Then we'd sweep it under the rug and make up, just to be in the same argument all over again in the next couple of weeks.  Being the woman I am, I would try to fix him.  I thought, "If only he would listen and just do what I tell him to do". Apologies would be exchanged, but never truly sincere.  That would be admitting we were wrong.

Am I alone in this, or does it sound familiar? :-) We finally grew tired of the fighting and just avoided one another all together.  We slept in the same bed, but most nights didn't even touch one another. Time grew on and our relationship remained the same.  After a while I began to change. I stopped being the wife I thought I should be and began to focus more on myself, my likes and dislikes and my own needs. I didn't neglect my children or anything, but I had finally realized I wasn't really being myself. I was only acting the part; mother, wife, Christian...etc.  Well, I brought an end to that.  I didn't really have any friends.  I didn't even know what I liked to do.  I began to open up more and seek out different friendships.  The more I focused on me, the less my focus was on God.

I went out clubbing and drinking; things I never thought I'd ever do.  I didn't even have a desire to do these things because I'm not all that fond of crowded places.  I got drunk for the very first time when I was 26 years old.  Slowly but surely, my relationship with God was disintegrating.  When faced with that fact, I would just say " God, you know my heart".  And keep doing as I pleased.  It didn't make me happy, but I was okay with using my actions as a bandaid to cover the hurt and pain I felt so deep down.  And as if that wasn't enough, I also began to notice that I did in fact turn the heads of other men.

I was very insecure and naive. So desperate for the friendship and love I wasn't getting at home, I was easy prey.  "He's just my friend", I'd tell people...and myself.  I grew more excited to see this "friend" than I did my husband daily.  One thing led to another and this friend destroyed what was left of my home. It was like a drug addict hitting his rock bottom and realizing there is a problem.  I was so disappointed in myself. As if I didn't already feel bad enough about myself and my situation; now I had to add adultery to the long list of issues I already had in my life. I was broken and I thought it was beyond repair. But God, had other plans.

This is only one of the issues we have overcome in this journey of marriage.  There are others that some would think are even worse than this. I can't say I'm glad these things happened in my marriage, but I do believe that we have a better marriage today because of some of these things.  God knows the plans for my life and yours.  It wasn't until I submitted to God and refused to let the enemy destroy my life that I began to see the good things He had planned for me. God cares about every single thing that has something to do with me. He even cares if I'm having a bad hair day. How much more does he care about the relationship he designed to resemble the one Christ has with us?  He is such an awesome God. I don't think there are words grandiose enough to describe how good He is.  

So this is why we share the importance of having a strong, God led, healthy marriage. We have seen what God has done in our lives. Even if your marriage isn't as jacked up as mine was, God desires to lead it still. Too many people try to hide the dark places of their lives, putting on a facade that all is well.  Lets get down to the nitty gritty of these issues, ripping the bandaids off while reminding the enemy that he does not win!


Please "like" Everyday Marriage on Face Book. Join us as we take back the marriages of NW Arkansas and the world.