We know how the song goes. We have all heard it or said it at some point in our lives. I love him/her, I'm just not "in love" with him/her anymore. Those butterflies that I use to get in my stomach when I knew he was coming over, the way I had to make sure everything nice, neat, nipped and tucked when he was on his way...when did it all just go away?
One thing I have learned in this journey of marriage is that we often mistake love for an emotional response to good things that happen in our lives. When my husband and I were dating, he bought me things, I got prettied up for him, he took me out and we both tried our best to be good to one another. Thus we thought we were in love. We made a choice to do these things. We didn't really know what love was. Until you face heartache, fear, worry and doubt together, you don't really know what love is. It's really hard to talk about keeping the love alive without talking about what love is. After all, if we don't truly know what love it, how can we keep it alive? Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Take a moment to reflect on your marriage after doing so.
To keep the love alive, we date one another. We enjoy spending time together. We are in an unspoken competition. We try to out serve and out give one another, but we're never looking for something in return. I love to make him happy and seeing me happy is what he loves. It's a never ending revolving door. I put his needs above mine and he's the same way with me. So neither of us ever goes without. The bible says a man should love his wife as Christ loves the church, and a husband who loves his wife loves himself. (Eph 5) If you love your wife as you love yourself, how much more love will you get from her in return .
Our children know that our relationship with each other is important because we teach them that. We often hear, "eeewww gross, Mommy and Daddy are kissing again". We kiss for no reason at all sometimes. It is hard to find time to escape and be alone, but it's important to us, so we make a way. A motto I have is "Make what's important, important". If it's important, I'll make time for it. We say I love you often. It really is the little things that count. We choose to love through the good times and the bad. Sometimes all a date consists of is falling asleep while watching a movie on TV. Sometimes we catch a play or musical. It doesn't really matter what we do, as long as we do it together.
Ultimately the love stays alive because we choose to love one another. There is no secret magic formula to keeping the love alive, and nothing I can say that will make it click into place. It takes two becoming one to make it happen. I know it's easier said than done in some situations, but that's where the choice comes into play.
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