Who me?

Every one of my close friends wanted a marriage just like mine.  My husband and I were friends from the first date.   We laughed a lot together, and when asked what we did for fun, we never had to come up with an activity because we were fun, together. We didn't have the jealousy and insecurity that a lot of young couples experience, we were made for each other.   Everyone thought we got along well, and that we could talk about anything.  We were everyone's example of a good marriage.......my husband was encouraged to spend time with his friends, take trips and develop a life of his own.  In exchange, he encouraged me to pursue my passions.  I went on mission trips all over the world, cruises with my friends, and even started a Band, The Atmosphere.  If you would have asked anyone about Graham and Temeka, what they would have said is that they are so in love, that man adores her.  But the truth was that while we were standing as the example of a good marriage to onlookers, our marriage was falling apart; we could talk about anything alright,  at least anything that didn't include what was going wrong in our marriage.

  In December 2008, everything changed.  My loving husband who everyone thought adored me, asked me for a divorce.  He said he didn't know if he wanted to be married to me anymore.  He was angry, and exhausted with me. To quote him, he told me.... what I really want is "peace".

This announcement threw my world into a tailspin.  I was in shock, and I was angry.  I reacted out of my anger and told him, fine. I don't need you anyway. Do whatever makes you happy.  Those words are ones that I quickly came to regret, and they symbolized all that was wrong in the marriage. Many months earlier my husband had made some decisions that caused us all to suffer, emotionally and financially, and as a result I had stopped respecting him.  I was pissed off and I didn't waste one moment, at every hand I let him know it, I showed it in everything I did and everything I said.  I had begun to hold my husband in very low regard, and finally, he was tired of it.

On August 25, 2011 we marked our 10th year of marriage.  Yep, we're still married, and it is only because of this powerful concept "Love & Respect" that the Lord ministered to me over the next year and a half.  The Lord took me to His Word, and he showed me the passages in Ephesians 5 where he tells the husbands to love their wives, and then tells the wives to reverence their husbands.  This was a profound Word to me.  I knew what the Word said, I study that Word, I preach that Word.  The breakdown was that I did not live that Word.  What I focused on was God's instruction to husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church; i used the part of the Word that suited my particular disposition as the wife, who did not want to submit; as the wife who wanted to control the household. I was a wife that knew how to manipulate the Word to make it work for her.......the shame is that in all my studying, all my ministering, all my missions and good work,  I did not receive the gift that was in verse 33, where he also instructs the wives to RESPECT their husbands.

I did not display respect to my husband because I felt like respect was an earned honor, not something that I owed him, and since he had made some decisions that i did not agree with, I certainly didn't think he deserved my respect.  Boy was I wrong.  When Jehovah began ministering that Word to me it absolutely revolutionized my marriage.  I realized that he inspired verse 33 just like he inspired verse 25.  With much pain and sadness I had to acknowledge first to God, then to myself, and then to my husband that I,  Minister of the Gospel; me the Preacher with a Word for God's people; Minister Graham who had travelled the world ministering God's Word; had lived in disobedience to God and in disrespect to him, and for that I repented.

It would take me a lifetime to tell you the struggles that my marriage went through to get to our 10th anniversary.  Many things happened as we endeavored to build a bridge back to a healthy relationship, but the first thing was to understand the Covenant that we had made with God.  We recognized that it wasn't our marriage to destroy so we decided that divorce was not an option, and then we made the commitment to Love & Respect one another even through the pain and disappointment of our  marriage's past failures and hurts. 

Today my husband and I are in a very special place in our marriage.  We have a mutual love and respect for each that pleases the heart of God.  Today, ours IS truly the marriage everyone thought we had all the time, and for that I am forever grateful!