The Heart of the Matter

       My husband and I were doing everything we thought we should do.  We made everything look good; from the outside looking in. But behind closed doors we were miserable. We did not know the purpose of our marriage. We weren't friends and although we seemed to, we really didn't even like each other.  We decided we didn't want to just go through the motions. We wanted to really love the way God intended for us to love.  That passion we had when we were teens didn't have to be a long forgotten fairytale from the good old days.  We wanted new passion, and new stories to be able to tell our kids and grand-kids.

So we went to counseling. We realized that before we could come together, there were some things we had to work out separately in our own personal lives.  Sometimes the issues you have in your marriage have nothing to do with the other person. Sometimes it's a matter of getting to the heart of the real problem. One of my problems was insecurity and an inferiority complex. I would always get mad at my husband and say things like "you think you're better than me!"; when really, I thought he was better than me. He had issues with felling like a failure because he was not where he thought he would be at that age.  Was that my fault? No, it wasn't. But rather than face those demons, we took it out on each other.

When you read the Bible, do you read it to yourself or are you pretending to read it to someone else? We've all been in a church service wishing our spouse was there so he/she could hear what they are doing wrong and how they should change. Mark 12:31 says 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."  It use to be that when I read this, I would think about all the people around me except my husband.  It's easy to say you love someone who you don't have to deal with everyday. What closer neighbor do you have other than your husband/wife?  Think about what you're doing to help or hurt your marriage, rather than always looking at the other person.  One of the most unselfish things to do is to say "God fix me".

Funny story; The first time I said God fix me, I really didn't expect him to have anything to fix. I thought it was the right thing to say, but I just knew my husband was the one with all the issues.  True story! I know it sounds ridiculous.  When He began to reveal my issues to me, I realized how selfish I had been.  When you are truly ready to face the real problems, God will lead the way.