Just a little venting

If I have learned anything in my 34 years on this earth, it's that life can be very disappointing sometimes.  I've had my share of rough patches.  Sometimes they last a lot longer than you could imagine.  We all have to live with the mistakes of our past and learn to forgive ourselves for the ones we will make in the future.  There are so many things I want to do in my life, but I don't really know where to start.  Grad school is kicking my butt, I don't have time to work out and I barley have the energy to tuck my babies in at night.  We all have our issues right?

OK. I'm done venting about my troubles.  Let's move on. :-)   This year is going by so fast.  As I think back over the past 8 months, I realize that life is fleeting.  The loss of my grandpa last week hit hard.  I've been thinking about my family and how much I love and miss them.  My husband has been my rock through it all.  I can tell that he doesn't really know how to handle caring for me as I grieve, but he's trying and it blesses me to know that.  It made me think about the times when I thought he didn't really care about me. 

I'm sure you all have dealt with feeling like you love your spouse more than they love you.  I have told my husband that in the past.  It wasn't until years later that I realized, he just loves me differently.  I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but my husband loves to buy me things; and not just me, our children too.  He spoils us.  I learned that this is the way he shows love.  I feel like I'm loving on my family when I have a clean house and I'm feeding their bellies.  Taking care of them physically is how I show love.  But, for my husband specifically, I also show love through words of affirmation.  I tell him often how much I love him and how awesome he is.

He makes me really mad sometimes.  At those times, you would think that I would want to tell him how awful he is, but I really think "I can't believe this awesome person is hurting me." How could this person who claims to love me, who treats me so well, be hurting me right now?  Well, he's not perfect and he never will be.  That's where choosing to love comes into play.  I have to choose to love him in those times. (after I cool off) Hey, I'm not perfect either. LOL

It took a long time to get to where I am in my marriage.  We've been married for 14 years and I think I have learned to love correctly just over the past 4 years.  The first 8years were ok. Years 9-11 were iffy.  A couples of times we separated.  Marriage is hard, but it's easier when you try.  Yes, try.  Love is and action word. Marriage is work. Take action.  Don't just haphazardly be married.  Ok I'm off my soap box...Live Good my Loves....

EM