I've been having a really hard time lately in my marriage. I've been so busy lately my marriage is suffering. I've talked about just going through the motions before and lately, that's what my life has consisted of. Going to school, working, getting the kids off to their activities; all with "I love yous" and kissing on the go. We haven't been taking the time to invest in one another or the marriage. This is a problem for me. My husband is not the type of person who likes to talk about things and I like to talk things out. I like to have closure. When I do talk things out, I tend to go overboard in my thinking and talking. I'm the type of person that needs more than just an "I'm sorry". I'm a feeler and I need to know you understand me. Since my husband is the total opposite of me, sometimes we have a hard time getting on the same page. Sometimes we just give in to one another just to feel like we're getting somewhere. Ever done that?
I know this season in my life will pass, but how much damage to my marriage will occur before then. Solution? No seriously, what's the solution. I'm too close to quit grad school. I'm not getting divorced. I won't make my children suffer just because I'm busy. And I can't quit my job because it helps support m family financially. I'm pulling my hair out over here. God has made me strong enough to get through this, but I don't to just get through it. I want to come out on top of it all. Is that possible? I recognize the effect this business is having on my life and I am very aware of the consequences of letting my relationship with my husband fall through the cracks. This is also making me very emotional for some reason. God has blessed me with a very good husband and I'd like to be a good wife. I will keep my head up and keep in trucking through. I recognize the effects, so now it's time to work extra hard at making sure that my love, motives and actions are effective. Oh the pressure.
Recently I traveled to Denver for work. The night before my husband and I had a not so good night and I didn't leave on very good terms. I met a guy on the plane. He automatically began telling me jokes. I laughed, even though all I wanted to do was go to sleep. They were funny jokes, but I was a little annoyed just because I wasn't in a very good mood. At one point I really thought this was going to turn into him flirting with me, but boy was I wrong. He began to tell me why he likes jokes. He had a pretty rough life after he got married. He told me "I've been married twice, but never divorced". I was confused. He began to me tell an amazing story. "Have you ever seen The Vow?" Now, just like I thought, I know you're thinking, this isn't serious. He went on to tell me about his wife. She had a seizure a few years after they got married and on his birthday. She was taken to the hospital and later diagnosed with an irreversible brain injury. A brain injury that had caused her to lose her memory of who she was. So of course she didn't know who her husband was. At the time their daughter was bout 3 years old. She didn't even know she was a mother and quite frankly found it hard to believe.
I won't share the entire story because it's not the point. She recovered, but never fully. They got married again a few years after the accident and she was a completely different person. He began to share with me how many people suggested he divorce his wife since she wasn't the same person anymore. He refused and thought the idea was just preposterous. "In sickness and in health" is the vow he made and he was determined to stand by it. Since I was already in a very emotional state, the story brought tears to my eyes. It was so reminiscent of the struggles I went through with my own marriage. So many people told me to just leave. I'm so glad I didn't listen. As was the man I met on the plane, that he didn't leave his wife. He enjoys sharing his story of the restoration God can bring if you're willing to hang in there.
I told him God has a serious since of humor and very good timing. His story really made me reflect on my own marriage and made me very grateful for what we have overcome. I shared the fact that my husband and I were going through some things. I thought we'd been through enough and really was not prepared to feel like my marriage was heading in the wrong direction. He looked at me as if he was thinking, you poor naive child. He said when you go through something and you are triumphant, that opens the door for more things to come. There will always be something for you to overcome. The enemy knows you're triumphant and he will keep coming back for more. It will never be over. I wish I could remember everything he said, but I've slept since then.
Divorce is still not an option. Satan is busy, so I have to be busier.
~Thank you Hal Walker for sharing your story and your wisdom.
EM
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