Learning...Loving...Living

I'm learning that if I pay attention, God often teaches me lessons through my everyday life; whether it be through my children, my husband, my job...etc.  I've even learned some things while seeing clients.  I see a couple that reminds me a lot of my husband and I, so every now and then, I find myself learning as I teach them how to love one another.  Even though I've been married for over 15 years, I still have a lot to learn.  Sometimes I still want to punch him in the face, but most of the time I adore him.  If anyone ever tells you your marriage will be peachy everyday, lied to you.  One thing I tell my clients is that, we were never given a book on how to be married when we got engaged.  What to Expect When You say "YES", hasn't been written yet as far as I know.  Yes, there are plenty of good books out there that help with marriage, but you never really know until you walk through it.  You should never say what you would never do until that situation has been presented to you.

I was a foolish woman once and some might argue that I still am.  This marriage thing has been some kind of roller coaster ride.  Sometimes fun and other times down right terrifying.  One day my husband told me he was not going to sleep on the couch after we had a fight.  That really really made me mad, but it really taught me a lesson that I will never forget.  I had to ask myself a question; Where was I getting my ideas about how a marriage operates.  I think I've mentioned before that when I was growing up, the only thing I knew for sure I wanted to be was a wife and a mom.  It definitely wasn't because I had such a great home life or role models of the two.  I watched TV and wanted what I saw on Family Matters, Full House, The Cosby Show...etc.  Those shows were great examples of how a family should be, even though some of the scenarios were very unrealistic.  Even still, they portrayed myths about marriage and how a relationship should be between a husband and wife.  You often times see men being referred to as "in the dog house", or sleeping on the couch.  The men were often times, foolish, clumsy and sometimes just plain stupid.  The wife was portrayed as the smartest out of the two.  Sometimes they came together when parenting and other times they didn't.  Even though the couples they portrayed seemed happy, I never gathered that they were a partnership, with The Cosby Show being the exception.  In a partnership there is give and take so that everyone is placed in a "win win" position and no one is ever the odd man out.

Where are you getting your ideas about how a marriage should be? If your husband made you mad, would you put him on the couch? If so, why?...I'll wait.  Is it because it's what you think you should do? Is it because that's what people do?  When my husband refused to go sleep on the couch, I didn't know it then and he didn't either, but he set us both up in a "win win" situation.  I was mad, but I got over it and so did he.  Because we were forced to be in close proximity with one another, we were forced to work out the issue.  When you are placed in a difficult situation, you gather your thoughts and try to keep your cool so that you make good decisions.  Well, that's what we did.  He's not stupid and I wasn't made to rule over him, so why is marriage portrayed that way on television?  We are one.  It doesn't mean things will be perfect, but God has given us a divine word on how a marriage should be.

One more thing.  Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conversation that turned into a husband/wife bashing meeting?  What do you say?  The crazy thing is that the easiest thing to do is join in and bash your spouse as well.  That's absolutely nuts right?  It's so common now for people to think that there is no such thing as a happy marriage, that it has now become the norm.  You feel like your friends will look at you funny if you say something nice or don't bash your spouse.  Truth is, they probably would.  Then one of two things will happen: awkward silence, or awkward laughter in disbelief that you could have a happy marriage.  This is especially hard if you did have a bad marriage and now it's better or even really great.  Just like putting your husband on the couch, spouse bashing is not a good idea.  It's such a betrayal of the love you promised.  But, it's common because we just don't follow the model God gave us.

This may not help anyone, but it sure was a lesson learned for me.  I'm grateful for those lessons.  They make my marriage better and stronger.  The enemy tries to seep into the things of God daily.  Marriage is of God.  You better believe the enemy wants your marriage abolished.

Marriage is a great picture of our relationship with Christ.  It is the best place to learn what unconditional love is.  That's what those vows represent, unconditional love.

Col 3:14 ESV And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Start with LOVE and then learn to live.

EM...

Happy 13th Birthday to my daughter, Arianna. She asked me to give a shout out to her on my blog tonight. :-)  That's her on the left.